Karate Night and many a tear shed...a bubble bustin' night

The bubble bustin' night! I picked Greyson up from school today and he was excited and telling me about his fun day. He was sooo happy and lively today. Then suddenly, on the drive home he hid behind a magazine I had in the car and totally withdrew. I don't even know why. I asked what he was doing and it made it worse. Sometimes he just will not disclose what is going on in that head and it makes me full on crazy. Especially when he seems so distant like something is bothering him. Well...I just now decided to ask him what he was doing. Wait until you hear this! My Lord....he claims the picture on the Charlotte parenting magazine had a woman swimming and he could see her "boobies" as he called them. OK...we all know she isn't on there naked maybe more clevage than he has ever seen. hahahaaaaa I guess he thought he was really being sneaky since he knows we do not talk about or show stuff like that. It's private...literally. Now it makes me laugh and I needed a laugh. Especially after his Karate class drama. He isn't the most coordinated boy, nor is he very athletic per say. In Karate they make them do about 2 set of 20 sit ups and push ups and it kills him to hear him tell it. So....most of the time he does them not so very well. Kinda half hearted. Tonight he and several others got caught doing them not so well and had to do more at the end of class. Master Hartsell busted them. Well....I knew it was going to cause a melt down for him. He can't stand to feel singled out or called any names. He was not single out by any means but he said his teacher called him "goofy". Master Hartsell likes to bust their chops sometimes but in certain situations with Greyson it can really send him to a very low place. When they were done he came running and crying to me. I told him he was OK and that alot of others had to do it too but it did not matter. He cried and cried all the way home. He screamed he was quitting and that he was not a wonderful boy. I keep saying you are a wonderful boy and you did fine. He said no I am not....I am not wonderful at Karate, I am not wonderful at school, and I am not wonderful at home. I was crushed and trying not to cry. I knew it was the heat of the moment but it is always soooo hard to figure out if he really feels that way about himself at times. I always wonder if he knows he doesn't quite do as well as the others at some of these types of things. I wonder if he feels and knows he is different even though he never discusses it with us. So I am slowly getting teary eyed as he balled. I just sensed that he knows there is something....something just different...and it really breaks his heart sometimes. He said his heart hurt when his Karate teacher called him goofy. I know the man was teasing, but he takes some of those things soooo to heart. Michele reminds me that I can't keep him happy 24/7 and that things are going to hurt him and his feelings sometimes. I do know that, but seeing him so hurt always gets me deep down. I still feel sooo protective of him even though I know he has to learn how to deal with these things. I sooooo worry about him. I try not to but seriously...I am his mother....I always wonder....is he really trying hard and just not able to give any more and do any better....or is he just working it a littel because he doesn't want to do it. there it is again...that fine line that haunts my every moment. I just wish I could understand better how his little mind works, what is going on in there, is it jumbled with frustration at times making him seem like he just isn't trying? Is he currently incapable of some of the things physically? He is doing sooo well in there and I do not want him giving it up. It has helped his self esteem, confidence, and strength to some degree. He has to be pushed but how far? I suppose we just have to hope we will be able to get through to him and use this as a teaching moment. Alot of the others had to do the push ups too. Master Hartsell just wants them to be doing or at least trying to do their best all the time. So he just has to make sure he is trying to do the best he can at all times. He committed to Karate and is very good at it so he shouldn't let his hurt feelings stop something like that. I will take him early Thursday to talk to Master Hartsell about the incident and clear the air...that's what we do to make things right and give ourselves a fresh start. Keep your fingers crossed for us people. he came right home and wrote his Karate teacher letter saying he never wanted to see his face again and that he quit! Yes...he was really worked up and needless to say I was in the bedroom balling to Michele about the fine line thing. I make her crazy as she is like a guy....stop crying....why are you crying.....suck it up. Poor thing...she retreated into the office and has yet to come out. Now....On a lighter note....Greyson has had a break through that I have yet to mention. On February 22nd he blew his first bubble with bubble gum and is very proud. He has been trying to learn that trick for weeks and has finally perfected the art. Congratulations little bubble blower!