Monday, February 1, 2016

Our man is growing up too fast! Buckle up Butter Cup!

Well God knows it has been entirely way too long since I posted and/or bragged about the most amazing kid on here.  We have been "unschooling" since 2012 and this boy never ceases to amaze me.  Granted I have periodic panic attacks thinking I have probably ruined him in many ways, but when I step back and admire the man he has and is becoming I realize the decision has been the best thing for him and our family.  Both Greyson and I have made great strides in the past few years.  I completed, FINALLY, my BFA in photography at UNCC while he has been transforming himself into  an amazing young man all around.  He is singing now with a program in Charlotte called Music4Life and has become quite the performer.  (He always has loved to sing and dance but when he was young he was too scared to sing for larger groups of people.) For an introverted shy guy he can really belt it out now.  Thank you John Gurske! I can't say enough about the boy he is now. Our boy is so very kind, loving, thoughtful, honest to a fault, and pretty damn funny.  He does sarcasm pretty well too at times.  I have no idea where he learned that from. Damn "internets"!  With all that said, I am going to post his latest performance with his jam band.  I am late doing this so those of you who have endured it for the millionth time I apologize.  I am his mother for God's sake, what the hell do you expect from me.

Enjoy! Lord knows we can't get enough of it. :)

Click to hear: Greyson singing "Ain't No Sunshine"

Friday, July 12, 2013

Changing, Growing and Acceptance

I have been away for far too long.  Understandably since, I am still plugging along in school working on my BFA. Greyson was taken out of middle school in January of this year to be home schooled, and life is happening all around us at such a rate that I feel the need most times to strap into a safety harness. OSHA has been alerted but has yet to respond. If its any consolation for those who know me well, I am being fitted for a helmet. Enough of that though. I am here to talk about one thing. To talk about following your gut.
When Greyson started middle school Michele and I knew it would be somewhat of a struggle.  It is for most all kids. It didn't take long before we knew we had to get him out of the school system and by January he was home.  Since taking him out I have had no regrets.  He is totally happy and blossoming into one awesome teenage boy. (Well, almost) He comes complete with all the sassiness. Michele and I have turned into two extremely embarrassing and annoying parents that have the brains of a gnat.  That being said, our house is still bursting with love and that fixes everything as far as I am concerned. Our guts told us to get him out of school and homeschool him so that's exactly what we did.  At times I worry that I am not doing enough for him and that I allow him too much leeway, but I always come back to my gut.  I question my abilities to challenge him enough but I just keep pushing on. My gut tells me he is going to be fine. He is not your average guy and being here works for him.  He is one extremely intelligent and amazing fella that I cannot begin to describe here. We have had to adjust to all the doubts and worries of family when this decision was made.  Once people start grilling you about what you are doing and how often you are doing it you start to doubt yourself all over again.  People get caught up in how things have always been and any straying from that worries folks to no end.  God forbid you do something that they consider too radical.  God forbid you "Lose control" of your child.  He must obey. UGH! (pardon my sarcasm) I get it to some degree because we all do it at one time or another. We all get caught up in "how things were always done". Well if we all continued to do things the way they were always done we would be in a real pickle now wouldn't we? Think about how foolish it is to continue to go along never questioning things. Off the beaten path is admirable in my personal opinion. It may be uncomfortable, but growth and change is just that.  We realize he cannot be totally left to his own devices but we also know he needs some leeway to explore those things he is hyper focused on.  The things that light the spark in him. The things he loves. We are searching and finding that medium point.  We are slowly and surely finding our way.  It's exciting, scary, fun, frustrating, exhilarating, and at times maddening but we make it work.  We have a relaxed approach but it's all working out.  It might not be for everyone, but its working for us and for Greyson.  I can't say I have it all figured out because just like any parenting moment, you try different things and the ones that work you roll with, the ones that don't you ditch.  The important thing is to find what works for us and for Greyson.  Aren't we all just individuals with our own special path? Find your path. Help your children along their path until they are ready to walk alone. That's all we can do.  Follow your gut along the way because it will not steer you wrong.  Mine tells me everything is going to be just fine.  Especially regarding Greyson because he is capable of amazing things and I can sense it.  We have always known that, but here lately he is becoming quite the young man.  I feel like we are on the right path for us. It may change as we go along but for now, it's working.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

It's been a while...but I got something to say

I've been thinking a lot lately and yes, you probably have smelled something burning. Greyson started middle school this year and I am back in school at UNCC as well finishing out my undergraduate degree.  That makes for some interesting fun at our house.  Poor Michele is working hard to keep us fed, and to keep a roof over our heads while Greyson and I plug along feeding our brains.  I am fine and things are going well for me academically.
Greyson is fine too, or at least I know in my gut he will be.  School is not good for him.  He has always hated school but this year has been just as challenging for him as we thought it would be.  We met with the school and are trying to trust the fact that many kids his age struggle in 6th grade but he seems to be regressing some.  That worries us.  We have been talking about the possibilities of homeschooling him if need be, as well as trying to stay in touch with the powers that be at school regarding his challenges.  All this has lead me to thinking about being a mother.  Not just a mother, a mom.  It has me questioning if I have been doing enough for him.  Funny how as mothers we want to do the best for our child and we are always judging our ourselves and comparing ourselves to others.  I have surrounded myself with friends/moms that I feel are unbelievable people and parents.  I learn from them, trade stories with them, bounce ideas off of them and vent to them about life.  At times I think I want to be more like some of them and I question myself and the job I am doing.  I had been feeling I had failed Greyson and then it hit me.  Every great mom feels this.  We all look up to one another and compare ourselves to the next trying to improve and be the best we can be.  We all have knowledge in different areas and we all have tidbits to help one another.  It does take a village.  It's time, as moms, that we gave ourselves a break and realize we are doing what is best for our children. As long as there is an overabundance of love being shown then everything is gonna be alright.   My son may be struggling grade wise at school, but that does NOT represent who he is in our eyes.  He is an extremely smart guy who is a little quirky at times, but he is remarkably intelligent and sensitive in ways that go way beyond what is measured by our school systems.  I love his new school but sensory wise and size wise it has been overwhelming and frustrating for him.  Maybe it will work itself out...maybe not.  Either way I refuse to continue to think we are failing him.  We are not.  Our house is full of unconditional love and support.  Some may say he's spoiled and gets away with too much.  So be it... To us he is amazing and there is nothing he can't do. (This does not mean that we don't have moments where we want to scream, we do.)  In tackling life we just need to go about it a little differently than most.  We are awesome moms and a perfect match for one truly awesome guy! To all my mom friends that inspire and teach me...I love you all.  You know damn well who you are!  :)

Happy holidays...personally I think this time of year is a croc of shit but I do enjoy the time we have with family & friends.  (For those of you who do not know me well...let me briefly explain. It's only a croc of shit because we should be this giving and thankful each and everyday.  Too much greed and spending on unnecessary stuff...but I digress.)  

Monday, March 12, 2012

Almost a teenager, moody for sure!

Gman is turning teenage boy before his time.  Well at least that's how I feel.  Where did sweet little innocent Greyson go?  Who dropped off Mr Attitude? The boy who screams, "I hate you!" and then, minutes later, is sweetly whimpering "I love you so much I don't ever want to leave here." Good Lord. Bodies changing, hormones raging, attitudes plentiful, and a range of emotional outbursts to boot.  So there...and now he has taken to telling me, "I am almost a teenager you know."  That's what teenage boys do.  I don't wanna be the crazy screaming mom...although it is tempting at times I realize that would create even more of a monster.  I heard one of the mother's on our street screaming like a banshee at her kid. I thought to myself, If I lived with her I might be tempted to kill her in her sleep. (I know! I know! You are thinkin' that's just freakin' horrible, but...she was being hateful.)  It's moms like her that make me look like Supah-Mom! I love that...Guess I will learn to take deep breaths or some other form of self medicating...oh, did I say that?  I meant meditating.  YOGA here I come!  
If you haven't found Jesus...he is hiding behind the curtain! bahahahahaaa

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Home sick with Mr. Pitiful

Life has been somewhat interesting lately.  I am in school, making life slightly more hectic than usual and Greyson seems to be one of two things lately.  Very needy...or pissed at the world and hormonal.  He has been suffering from "I don't want to go to school" syndrome and he came home yesterday saying he didn't feel good.  He did have an upset stomach so I put him in the bed where he stayed until he ate dinner.  Then he headed right back...not normal for him. His stomach acted ugly a few more times so this am we decided to keep him home which going to class for mommy.  UGH...  (Disclaimer-I am old and cannot afford to miss too many lectures of art history for those brain infusions are crucial to my success) Just sayin'...  None the less, we are here and he does seem to be feeling better.  He did however have a crying pitiful moment of I don't want to go to school I just want to spend time with you and momom all of the time.  Later tonight he will reprimand me I am sure for some idiotic moment of embarrassment.  I obviously have them a lot.  I guess turning 11 is when the fun starts.  I always thought it was a teen thing.  I guess pre-teen emotional breakdowns are just the precursor to warm you up as a parent for the fun that follows.  Great...somebody needs to write that darn manual I tell you.  The emotional swings right now are so much fun, the crying, the freaking out, the screaming, the "stop embarrassing me!" Who freakin' knew that breathing or just looking a certain way could be so damn embarrassing?  He may just be getting warmed up but guess what.  I am definitely just getting warmed up on that embarrassing thing.  Jen, I hope you are reading this.  I think we should dye our hair some bright ass color and start showing these 'mini me's'  just how darn embarrassing we can be.  heheheheeee Seriously though, I don't want to push my boy over the edge.  Just maybe to the edge so he can see the other side more clearly.  I do feel sorry for the boy.  He can't help the changes his body is going through.  He is under attack so I guess it's only fair to attack whoever is closest.  I do love him to the whole wide world.  Regardless of his duel personality lately.  (((hugs to my Gman)))  For now, these two moms will buckle up for safety.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Always Believe...

Well here we are just before Christmas and Greyson is starting to get more and more excited.  He might be 11 years old but he still is a believer.  He is starting to get a little curious as to how the whole thing is even possible but he is still a firm believer.  I prefer it that way.  I think the magic of believing helps keep him innocent and childlike and that should be cherished for as long as possible.  At least that's my belief.  He has really been coming out of his shell more and more through the years and this year he sang in the school informance.  That was big for him because even though he has a beautiful voice he normally chooses to be shy about it.  He was even grabbing that mic when it was his turn to sing.  We hope to get him into NWSA for middle and high school.  It is an arts magnet here in Charlotte that focuses on the arts.  No athletics...just arts at this school.  Visual arts, theater, music & dance.  He will be trying out for chorus and visual arts.  He has alot of strengths in the arts areas so hopefully he can show that.  We shall see.  Getting his portfolio together is proving to be quite the challenge but somehow I hope to prevail. The school is very specific as to what they want and expect so now I have to convince Mr Literal (black & white).  "why would I want to draw something from a worm's eye view mom?  I have a human's eye view!"  UGH!!!! Yes...yes...I know but they want you to imagine what it would look like from a worm's eye view and show them.  "Why would I want to do that? I have a human's eye view." On and on and on it goes...when it will end...nobody knows. Good thing I have patience at least one day a week.  Things are great, but he is having some anxiety about going to a new school next year.  He has grown quite attached to CCS and his team of teachers that assist him.  He has been very concerned to know whether the new school will have a teacher like his current teacher who understands him.  I hope they will but she does understand him so well.  She has a nephew with Autism so she understands where Greyson is coming from most all of the time and handles him brilliantly. She can get him to do most anything.  I can only hope for more wonderful teachers like her.  He has had some great teachers at CCS thank goodness so I hope we can continue the trend as we move forward.  For now...we will prepare for Christmas and Santa, and embrace the innocence that is still left in him.  We are sure it will not be there much longer. Always believe big man...always believe! Believe in the magic of things you can't explain and best of all, always believe in yourself!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

In Time...

I just finished a project for my 2D class at school.  It is a series of paintings, all the same images, using 6 different color schemes. I had to choose an idiom to conceptualize so I chose "hold your horses".  Mainly because that is something I am confronted with daily and probably have been my entire life.  You know, waiting patiently and/or allowing things to happen within their own time. Slowing down some and not being so hasty, in life and decisions in general.  I chose this one because after Greyson came along it seemed his presence, and who he is, was was going to be a lesson in this to me. Don't get me wrong, all children are a test of our patience, but who he is brought it to another level for me. For me there is a fine line there between what separates calm, peaceful and chaotic.  It's a balance, a give and take.  A battle if you will between the ego, control, trust and letting go. Greyson is approaching a crossroads and will be headed into 6th grade next year.  Middle school...ugh! We have some really good options for him and are hoping he gets into NWSA.  He excels in those areas and it would be wonderful for him we are thinking.  However, we know school work is not something he is fond of and next year will really "up the Annie".   Personally I worry that I should have a stronger hand in forcing him to do more school work but he loathes it.  I feel I have failed him in that area.  Everything is a battle on either side of that fine line.  Everything comes back to that fine line. When to push for more and when to back off. He normally comes through in his own time on things, but I do still worry. I have moments of wishing it were easier with him at times.  Funny how we look at others, compare ours to theirs even though we shouldn't.  We do it with a lot of things even though deep down we know its ludicrous. 
I couldn't help but think while I was painting...Life, it's kinda like art. We do what we have to do, what works for us, not really caring what others think. Yet we have that little voice that also cares what others think. We go through life having to balance the two.  That fine an artist I have something to say and a way of saying it. Part of me could care less what anyone thinks while part of me wants people to recognize and get it.  To feel and see the emotion I am expressing within the image and to love and embrace it.  I feel that way with our son...I get him. Part of me doesn't care if no one else does, yet I so want the people who encounter him to see what I see.  Not just the eccentricities he may display but to see deep within his soul and to know the amazing boy in there. It's a fine line isn't it? A balancing act. Everything, In time...

Prop 8 declared Unconstitutional! ...Hooray! It's about time!!!!

Keith Olbermann on Proposition 8 Issue