Happy Birthday Greyson!

Well...it has been a while since my last update. We have been in Ohio since November 14th due to the death of Michele's father. I was a little apprehensive about taking Greyson as he has not experienced anything like that. I was not sure how that would effect him and did not want him to be too out of sorts and/or misunderstood. I picked him up from school on Thursday and explained that pawpaw had died. He was very sad and concerned about Michele on the way home. he is really such a tender hearted boy and kind sole. It is unfortunate that people do not always take the time to see, or for whatever their reason cannot see, that side of him. We were at a stop light where we always see a homeless man standing and he said, "Mommy Lynn I am worried about momom since pawpaw died. I am worried about that man too mommy Lynn because he doesn't even have a home to go to. You need to help him." I said, "Greyson, I don't have any cash with me right now to give him honey." He said let's give him this...He reached out and handed me his wallet that had 50 cents...(his ice cream money for school) in it. So...I called the guy over and told him my son wants you to have this. The guy was really happy and he told Greyson about a million times...Bless you son...Bless you! Greyson grinned all the way home and I of course had the little tear in my eye. It was very sweet and I was extremely proud of him for doing that. Then again...I am always extremely proud of him. So...on with the novel.
We left on Friday at 7am to head out to Ohio. It is a long trip but Greyson did very well. The weather was not so great starting out here but eventually it got better...colder...but better. No snow or rain after we got out of NC. We got to grandmas and everything was very chaotic. That was expected given what had happened. Lots of family, friends and neighbors calling and coming by. It was very sad. Momom was glad to see us although she had alot on her plate helping grandma get things finalized and done before the viewing and funeral. Greyson played and played with his cousins and had a great time. On Sunday we had the viewing in the evening. Greyson was not doing well and was ready to leave early on. We needed to be there for Michele so we tried to stall him while we greeted family and friends. He finally got very overstimulated and tired and found comfort under all the pillows of one of the sofas at the funeral home. In OT that is called deep pressure and helps alleviate some of his sensory issues. He seems to need the deep pressure more at bedtime or when taking a nap. He will almost cocoon himself up into a ball of covers at times...even though he is sweating profusely. Go figure. People there thought it was cute but they still do not realize some of these behaviors are due to his Aspergers/Autism. It still frustrates the mother in me at times when I feel people are looking thinking...why aren't you doing this or that to make him behave or whatever. They have NO idea. Their solutions to things will not normally fix what we are faced with day to day and to see him you cannot tell anything is wrong. Therefore we continue to have those who think they have better answers and those who think we are slack as parents. To them I say...walk a mile in our shoes. A book I read said to remember...Those who matter don't care and those who care don't matter. I try hard to remember but I am not always successful at it. Each of these kids is different and reacts differently to certain things. We have to find what works for Greyson.
Back to the subject at hand. We made it through the visitation and he slept for the most part of it. We headed home and got ready to have most of the family over for family time. There must have been around 45 people there or more and alot of small kids...all cousins. Greyson immediately got out of the car and saw the cars pulling into the drive. He screamed, "This place is gonna be a mad house!" Shel and I laughed but we are used to his brutal honesty. Again...part of his Aspergers. He means no harm...he just calls it like he sees it. We fed everyone, visited with all of them and had a great night. The one good thing if you can say that, to come from pawpaw's passing is that Michele's brother Rich and his family are back with the family. They had been estranged for several years and came back when pawpaw had his heart attack. It is going to be rough but I think things will work out. There are bridges and fences to mend with others in the family but life's too short to carry grudges. I hope they can all see past their differences. In all relationships it takes both sides to break and both sides to mend if that is going to happen. Hopefully things will be mending as time goes by. It was great to see them because Michele is very close to her brother Rich. They are alot alike and I know she is glad to have him back around.
After our Sunday night dinner, family left and we all went to bed to prepare for Monday, the day of the funeral. We woke up on Monday and got ready. We had to be at the funeral home by 10ish and it was to start at 11. Greyson got a little squirmy once we arrived and so I let him walk around. At some point we sat down and time seemed to drag on. We were on the front row and I was concerned because all of the immediate family was not there yet and there were not enough seats. I offered for Greyson and I to sit elsewhere but Michele said no. She wanted us with her. So there I sat uncomfortably....felling like I had robbed one of the siblings or their spouses of a seat. Funny how I always feel like we should take a back seat to everyone else. Yes we are a family, although non-traditional in their eyes- but I always feel around both of our families, mine included, that we do not count in some way. It is almost like I feel no one takes our family or our love for one another seriously. Granted there are a few exceptions in both families but overall I feel very tolerated and discounted most of the time. When you are not one of the norm, you tend to feel that way I think. Almost looked down upon..probably because no one wants to acknowledge it. If we don't talk about it it feels better...You know...."don't ask, don't tell theory". Even after they know about your lifestyle you only feel comfortable sharing a small part of things. We are always making sure that the "normal" family members aren't uncomfortable....It's a full time job....don't hug me here...don't touch me in front of them... whatever....you stand guarded at all times. We probably do most of it to ourselves but it still wears on you. The mere fact that you feel their uncomfortableness puts you in that role. It's no fun and for those that think we choose to live this way....I laugh at your ignorance. What a miserable decision that would have been...trust me...it's not one we, nor any other gay person, have made consciously. The way we are living feels as normal to us as your marriage/relationship does to you. We no nothing else. That being said...we plugged along.
Greyson got really antsy shortly before the funeral so I told him to get up and walk some. Was the funeral the time or place for him to be walking in circles around the chairs?... Probably not....Did Michele need us there so I made a call on letting him do it anyway? Yes I did. The service had not started, people were still up socializing, so I saw no harm in letting him walk around several times to calm himself. That's what he does. He walks in circles. I thought no one cared but his Uncle Rich made him sit down which caused Greyson to cry. I am sure Rich had no idea what I had done to help Greyson. I am sure he thought Greyson was just being bad and out of control and that we were not doing enough to stop him. Well...unfortunately I was trying to calm our son and be there for Shel all at the same time. None of them know or understand the things we have to do...so I am sure he will be seen at times as just a bad kid. It saddens me but I know they don't understand. To understand you would have to be living it or studying about his Autism/Aspergers, neither of which is possible. Everyone has their own lives to live and their own problems to deal with. So life goes on....without pawpaw, life goes on.
We will miss pawpaw dearly. We loved him and Michele had a great friend, father, and buddy in him. We love you pawpaw....you will definitely be missed more than we could ever say. To all of our followers...I apologize for the soap box at times...it is just that being around family, mine or Shel's, brings about revelations in me that shake my world up sometimes and make me realize just how frustrating living in our lifestyle can be in certain situations. Just what is it that people call normal anyway? Aren't we all living our own normal? Should normal even exist with as many faces, shapes, names, places, etc...as it can have? Who knows...for now I say...
Good night...or shall I say good day...No it's a great day! This is the day our son, Greyson Chambliss Griffin-Roberts was born. All 10lbs 4ozs of him! Without him, our worlds would have been much different and I wouldn't change this journey for anything...Aspergers and all! Here's to you Greyson....what a great day this is, your 8th birthday!