A boy torn by lessons

Greyson had a bad day today.  It started out ok at OT although he did get a little upset at the end when his therapist wanted to try the bicycle.  He is soooo afraid he is going to crash on the bike.  He has always been so unstable because his core body strength was lacking along with his balance.  He has worked very hard at building those muscles up but still has left over fears of the instability of riding the bicycle itself.  Other than that his OT day went well. He has a new buddy there who has Aspergers as well so I see some play dates in our future.  :)
After OT we stopped for our Thursday ritual of a snack and some Gatorade for our ride back to school.  It's quit a trek to Mooresville for OT but those people are worth every mile and then some.  I love them to no end and don't mind telling anyone.  Especially those that may need their services.  I sing their praises to all.  Once we got to school Greyson seemed pretty good.  Later in the day though I saw his teacher and found out he had had a bad day.  Nothing horrible, just some what out of sorts kinda day.  He had some trouble on the play ground.  It seems he feels he doesn't have many friends.  He does have a few friends, but he is going through some struggles with them.  You see, he realizes that these friends don't always make good choices and sometimes they don't do the right thing.  This in itself kills him because he is the rule follower and freaks when the rules are not being followed.  If he is clear on the rules, he is following them neurotically.  So, he struggles between telling the teacher when something isn't right and hanging with "the guys".  I wanted to cry today on the way home watching his face telling me about it.  He also has some girl friends but he said they do their own thing.  I said, "well, did you ask to join in or to play with them?"  He told me he did not so I told him that it is ok to ask to play with them if that is what he wants to do.  He just looked so lost and out of sorts.  The play ground thing must have eaten at him for the remainder of the day because his teacher said he got into some trouble in music, which he LOVES.  He was put out in the hall and she spoke with him.  Once he got himself back together he went back in only to end up back in her room a short time later.  She asked him what was wrong and he claimed he was just having a bad day.  He didn't know what to do to make it better so he just spent the remainder of his music time with her.  That is best once he reaches that point.  He was at a place where he just couldn't seem to reel himself back and she got it.  She wasn't mad, she just got it and let him be with himself.  Hooray for her love and patience with him.  Hooray for a school that embraces and works with these children who could so easily end up as casualties elsewhere.  We know all too well what can happen if you find yourself somewhere that doesn't have the patience or resources to help. It's not pretty and a child's self esteem is a fragile thing.
After school was out Greyson and I stopped and got him a frosty and talked as we rode home.  he asked if I knew about his day.  I said I did.  I assured him that I knew he was hurting and torn between hanging out with his friends and doing what is right.  You see he doesn't want to hang out when he knows they are doing things or talking about things they shouldn't be. But he still wants them to be his friend.  Finding friends has been hard enough so this adds a whole new level of frustration to his world.  He constantly talks of how he doesn't understand why some of the others don't follow the rules and how he thinks that isn't very kind to his teacher. I told him to only worry about himself and things will be fine as long as he is making sure he is doing what he is supposed to do. I told him momom and I love him and love that he is so honest.  His following the rules and doing what's right makes our hearts smile and makes us proud to call him our son.  Between you and me, he isn't golden but he is a wonderful guy with a huge tender heart.  He may not always show it but it is enormous.  He wears his heart on his sleeve and is very intense when it comes to his emotions.  His intensity is to the point of scaring us sometimes with how deeply he thinks about certain things.  I really worry about him because of this.  I worry he could become to lost in his emotions.  I also know that the depth of our sorrows is equal or proportionate to the depth of our love and joys.  We just hope his love and his joys in this world far outweigh the sorrows.  Today he fought the battle, the battle of right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, however you choose to put it.  I believe he chose wisely although he also found out the truth.  The truth that there is always a price no matter the choice.  We all question the price at times.  We all question life and its silly way of keeping us on our toes, ensuring we are learning all the time.  Here's to life and it's lessons.  Be present to it.  It's beautiful, this journey we all are on.