Freedom Park

Funny thing...yesterday was Saturday and the weather was beautiful. Finally, a day to head out and enjoy some sunshine. Michele was working so I took Greyson to Freedom Park. I tried calling an old friend of his to meet us there but we had no luck. He has been dying to see his buddy but we have not been able to catch up with them. I am starting to wonder if we ever will. I fear I have offended them in some way although they claim I have not. I can only hope that is true and that if there is something wrong they will talk with me about it. But enough on that. I was not able to make contact with them and we headed out to the park regardless of not knowing who or what we may encounter. I took his bicycle, which he is still reluctantly learning to ride, his soccer ball, his water gun and his super hero mask that he made himself. Once we got there he had his mask on his forehead and water gun in hand and he started looking for his friend or for someone he knew. Mainly spending time looking his friend he hasn't seen in a while. When he had no luck he was frustrated and wanted to leave. I explained that maybe they would come later on and that we needed to play and have fun. Even though tons of kids were there it may have well been deserted in his mind. He walked in circles, as he often does when he is out of sorts, in his own little world. The whole thing is heartbreaking to watch for me. Those moments make me sad. He doesn't have the courage to approach another child and even with my offering help doesn't want to. He is embarrassed and inconsolable. I try another tactic and ask him to walk with me around the lake to see the ducks and people over there. He comes with me, holding my hand the whole way and exclaiming. "I am scared! These people scare me. I do not know them." I keep reassuring him that he is safe with me as he continues to express his fears. Too many people, too many strangers, too much of everything. He, at some point, becomes brave enough to put his super hero mask on and we continue on. I stop to take a photograph and a woman walks past him and says, "I love your mask buddy!" He freaks and quickly runs off with me chasing behind him and telling him to stop. He was embarrassed at the complement, his usual reaction, so he was retreating to Lord only knows where with me following close behind. I struggle with things like our day in the park. My gut tells me to support him and make him stay and see there is nothing to fear but I can't help but feel sad seeing the anxiety that holds him hostage at times. The other kids are running playing, riding their bikes, throwing balls and having a blast on this warm day that has finally graced us with it's presence while mine is wishing he was in the safe confinements of his home. He struggles with throwing/catching balls, riding his bicycle, aand making friends with strangers, so he feels the urge to retreat to his safe place. Home, inside, watching TV, playing video games, building LEGOS. Well we cannot allow that to win all the time. Unfortunately I feel somehow that I am being cruel to him in the process of forcing his hand at the "norm". Forcing him to look his biggest fears in the face. It's sad, but it is our goal to equip him with the tools he needs to survive. That being said I had him play some on the playground. He spent it walking in a circle on the playground equipment with his hero mask on while others played around him staring at times. I finally got him to try his bicycle. We have a new handle on the back so I can help keep him upright while he learns about balance. As he is getting bigger, the balance is really a struggle so thank goodness for that handle. He rode with his mask & helmet on which brought even more stares. I had to laugh a little inside, at least I did until I heard another kid exclaim to his mom, "That's weird!" Great...Here's a boy who is 9 yrs of age yet he looks older. He is 4'8" tall and weighs over 100lbs and his actions are that of a boy much younger most of the time. So...in the eyes of some, I am sure it is weird. In our eyes, it's Greyson, our wonderful son just being himself. I do mean it when we say we wouldn't change a thing but I also know there are times when we both wish things were easier for his sake and ours. But it is what it is and it is "our normal". So, today is another beautiful day and guess what? All of us are headed out to the park as a family. One weird happy family! Hats off to the weirdos of the world with all their quirky eccentric ways! Who do you guys think keeps the world colorful anyway? Peace.