I just finished a project for my 2D class at school. It is a series of paintings, all the same images, using 6 different color schemes. I had to choose an idiom to conceptualize so I chose "hold your horses". Mainly because that is something I am confronted with daily and probably have been my entire life. You know, waiting patiently and/or allowing things to happen within their own time. Slowing down some and not being so hasty, in life and decisions in general. I chose this one because after Greyson came along it seemed his presence, and who he is, was was going to be a lesson in this to me. Don't get me wrong, all children are a test of our patience, but who he is brought it to another level for me. For me there is a fine line there between what separates calm, peaceful and chaotic. It's a balance, a give and take. A battle if you will between the ego, control, trust and letting go.
Greyson is approaching a crossroads and will be headed into 6th grade next year. Middle school...ugh! We have some really good options for him and are hoping he gets into NWSA. He excels in those areas and it would be wonderful for him we are thinking. However, we know school work is not something he is fond of and next year will really "up the Annie". Personally I worry that I should have a stronger hand in forcing him to do more school work but he loathes it. I feel I have failed him in that area. Everything is a battle on either side of that fine line. Everything comes back to that fine line. When to push for more and when to back off. He normally comes through in his own time on things, but I do still worry. I have moments of wishing it were easier with him at times. Funny how we look at others, compare ours to theirs even though we shouldn't. We do it with a lot of things even though deep down we know its ludicrous.
I couldn't help but think while I was painting...Life, it's kinda like art. We do what we have to do, what works for us, not really caring what others think. Yet we have that little voice that also cares what others think. We go through life having to balance the two. That fine line...as an artist I have something to say and a way of saying it. Part of me could care less what anyone thinks while part of me wants people to recognize and get it. To feel and see the emotion I am expressing within the image and to love and embrace it. I feel that way with our son...I get him. Part of me doesn't care if no one else does, yet I so want the people who encounter him to see what I see. Not just the eccentricities he may display but to see deep within his soul and to know the amazing boy in there. It's a fine line isn't it? A balancing act. Everything, In time...
