Always Believe...

Well here we are just before Christmas and Greyson is starting to get more and more excited.  He might be 11 years old but he still is a believer.  He is starting to get a little curious as to how the whole thing is even possible but he is still a firm believer.  I prefer it that way.  I think the magic of believing helps keep him innocent and childlike and that should be cherished for as long as possible.  At least that's my belief.  He has really been coming out of his shell more and more through the years and this year he sang in the school informance.  That was big for him because even though he has a beautiful voice he normally chooses to be shy about it.  He was even grabbing that mic when it was his turn to sing.  We hope to get him into NWSA for middle and high school.  It is an arts magnet here in Charlotte that focuses on the arts.  No athletics...just arts at this school.  Visual arts, theater, music & dance.  He will be trying out for chorus and visual arts.  He has alot of strengths in the arts areas so hopefully he can show that.  We shall see.  Getting his portfolio together is proving to be quite the challenge but somehow I hope to prevail. The school is very specific as to what they want and expect so now I have to convince Mr Literal (black & white).  "why would I want to draw something from a worm's eye view mom?  I have a human's eye view!"  UGH!!!! Yes...yes...I know but they want you to imagine what it would look like from a worm's eye view and show them.  "Why would I want to do that? I have a human's eye view." On and on and on it goes...when it will end...nobody knows. Good thing I have patience at least one day a week.  Things are great, but he is having some anxiety about going to a new school next year.  He has grown quite attached to CCS and his team of teachers that assist him.  He has been very concerned to know whether the new school will have a teacher like his current teacher who understands him.  I hope they will but she does understand him so well.  She has a nephew with Autism so she understands where Greyson is coming from most all of the time and handles him brilliantly. She can get him to do most anything.  I can only hope for more wonderful teachers like her.  He has had some great teachers at CCS thank goodness so I hope we can continue the trend as we move forward.  For now...we will prepare for Christmas and Santa, and embrace the innocence that is still left in him.  We are sure it will not be there much longer. Always believe big man...always believe! Believe in the magic of things you can't explain and best of all, always believe in yourself!

In Time...

I just finished a project for my 2D class at school.  It is a series of paintings, all the same images, using 6 different color schemes. I had to choose an idiom to conceptualize so I chose "hold your horses".  Mainly because that is something I am confronted with daily and probably have been my entire life.  You know, waiting patiently and/or allowing things to happen within their own time. Slowing down some and not being so hasty, in life and decisions in general.  I chose this one because after Greyson came along it seemed his presence, and who he is, was was going to be a lesson in this to me. Don't get me wrong, all children are a test of our patience, but who he is brought it to another level for me. For me there is a fine line there between what separates calm, peaceful and chaotic.  It's a balance, a give and take.  A battle if you will between the ego, control, trust and letting go. Greyson is approaching a crossroads and will be headed into 6th grade next year.  Middle school...ugh! We have some really good options for him and are hoping he gets into NWSA.  He excels in those areas and it would be wonderful for him we are thinking.  However, we know school work is not something he is fond of and next year will really "up the Annie".   Personally I worry that I should have a stronger hand in forcing him to do more school work but he loathes it.  I feel I have failed him in that area.  Everything is a battle on either side of that fine line.  Everything comes back to that fine line. When to push for more and when to back off. He normally comes through in his own time on things, but I do still worry. I have moments of wishing it were easier with him at times.  Funny how we look at others, compare ours to theirs even though we shouldn't.  We do it with a lot of things even though deep down we know its ludicrous. 
I couldn't help but think while I was painting...Life, it's kinda like art. We do what we have to do, what works for us, not really caring what others think. Yet we have that little voice that also cares what others think. We go through life having to balance the two.  That fine line...as an artist I have something to say and a way of saying it. Part of me could care less what anyone thinks while part of me wants people to recognize and get it.  To feel and see the emotion I am expressing within the image and to love and embrace it.  I feel that way with our son...I get him. Part of me doesn't care if no one else does, yet I so want the people who encounter him to see what I see.  Not just the eccentricities he may display but to see deep within his soul and to know the amazing boy in there. It's a fine line isn't it? A balancing act. Everything, In time...

Greyson quotes worth remembering...

Yesterday after checking the mail and finding no new LEGO ebay buys from momom..."I am SO cheesed off right now!" 

"what is"

It has been too long once again. I must find the time to update this more often because time slips by much to quickly.  Greyson has started his 5th grade year at CCS.  This is bittersweet for me since I know he isn't far from entering "middle school", a time which may prove to be overwhelming and is for most children with autism.  We shall see.  For now we are concentrating on what is.  What is is that he has made great strides since he was diagnosed in 2008.  He graduated form OT in August after about 3 years of it once a week working on fine motor, motor coordination, core body strength, sensory issues and social skills.  He is doing great and we are so proud of him.  He still has issues with avoiding work when it is something new or something he preserves as too much or too hard.  He will shut down or runaway from it but he is doing much better.  I think he will probably always do this to some degree but once he realizes he has something he is good to go.  He shows you what he knows in his own time and that's fine by me.  He has much better control of himself although he does still on occasion have a meltdown and it's never pretty.  I have come to realize through all of this that this tree is one that the apple fell very close to.  Now that I am back in school I see it even more.  What a challenge it is but I am very excited for the opportunity.  All the newness has actually turned out to be good for our family and especially for Greyson.  He needed to learn more independence and with me being gone from his school now he cannot run to me when things get really rough.  He has to find ways of dealing with it and thanks to his teacher he has been pretty good thus far. He seems to be proud that he and I are going to school at the same time.  I found that out thanks to our wonderful play therapist.  Greyson is a master at hiding how he feels and what he is thinking.  He is NOT the talker when it comes to those types of conversations.  But mention Star Wars or LEGOS and look out...better yet...buckle up for safety!  We hope to get him into Northwest School of the Arts next year. He has an eye for art and drawing and we hope to focus on these strengths so he can continue to feel successful at school.  We have some other schools that seem like they may be good fits as well but any new place will be a challenge at first.  It's just nature of the beast.  Open Houses here we come...that's where I start to have slight worry.  I know what new places and new environments will bring for him and for us.  For now I have to remain focused on "what is"...and "what is" is that we have an awesome boy who loves to draw, loves to build with LEGOS, loves Star Wars, loves Stop motion and wants to learn more about it. "What is" is that I am back in school hoping to bring myself into a place to make a difference for him, our family and the world. "What is" is a house full of love, laughs, hugs, tears, some unnecessary yelling at times, compassion, doubt, a touch of fear, understanding, sacrifice, some selfishness, and all that stuff families are made of.  "what is" is that I couldn't be happier, or in a better place other than where I am right now and I love that.  Thank you once again to you all who are a part of our lives in some way or another.  You help make everything alright. :)

drifting & swimming

Greyson has had a wonderful summer thus far and so have we.  we haven't been able to hit the beach unfortunately but we have done some other fun things. We visited Ohio already to see cousins and grandma and that was fun.  He has been spending some time with me at the pool while I work too.  he complains about going but usually once he is there all is good.  He loves the water even if he doesn't want to admit it always.  We hit the spray ground the other day too and got to see some friends form school so we are trying to stay busy. He is really enjoying the movie Cars2 right now so we have been looking for fun racing things to do.  This past Sunday we took him to see the Xtreme Drifting competition at Lowes Motor Speedway in Concord.  That turned out to be really fun for him. Although the heat had us outta there pretty early. He wore his head set for noise protection so he was fine.   We saw some races and some drifting competitions and then left to go to the movies.  He is keeping us one our toes and laughing as usual too.  The other morning while on our way to Ohio we stopped at Bob Evans for breakfast.  He cracked us up by blurting out, "You gotta party really hard to open up the mind eye!"  He had drawn a "third eye" on his forehead with the Bob Evans blue crayon...NICE! He heard it on some show he watches on CN. Everyday is an adventure at our house...even if some do end with me on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  The fun just keeps on comin'. with no end in site.  Gotta love that! Hugs everybody, until next time.

Summer is here!

Summer is finally here and along with it the challenge of getting Greyson out of the house.  I am working at a swimming pool so on those days he can go with me to work and swim until I get off.  Not only is it great exercise for him but it helps me get him out and about and into the sun. Good ol' vitamin D! He loves the solitude of the water and the peaceful feeling it brings to him.  He could float for hours or stay under even longer if he could breath under there. The days I don't work are challenging.  If I suggest fun things he wants nothing to do with any of it.  I think I am going to have to take the route of just go for it and do it.  Otherwise he will opt for the familiar every time.  Sitting in front of the TV, playing LEGO or his video games all day long.  We are at least reading a book called 'The Last Dragon' and so far it is very good.  He says he isn't enjoying it but I know different.  I can tell he is curious to see what happens next.  So...I read on hoping to spark his interest in reading for himself.  Right now he is not a big fan.  I never was either until later in life.  Never felt like I was very good at it and I think he pretty much feels the same way.  For now...I will continue to read to him.  Eventually something will trigger him wanting to read and learn things for himself.  I plan on going to the Edventure museum sometime this summer, along with Latta Plantation, Raptor Center, the spray grounds around our area, the parks and where ever else I can find some fun for little to no money.  I want him to learn the joys of going places and doing things unplanned.  We both could use lessons in that.  I am getting better but he still has a ways to go.  He likes his familiarity and anything else can rock his world.  I want to push him some, but not over the edge if you know what I mean.  That's never fun! hahahahahaa  Any of our peeps that want to meet up this summer for some park time, spray ground, or anything else exciting give me a buzz.  We would love to have some company in our adventures this summer where ever they may lead.  Happy summer everyone.   

On being a mom...anyone can be a mother

Funny how life works.  There was a time in my life when I would have thought it would be a cold day in hell before I would give birth.  (Funny thing...it snowed the night Greyson was born. Not that it's hell here but...at times...)
That said, things change.  Thanks to a most wonderful partner of about 14 years. When I met Michele I knew I wanted to be with her for the long haul if you will.  so off we set on our adventure together. Approximatley 2 years later we started talking about trying to have a child together and that we did.  Greyson was born on November 20th, 2000 weighing in at a whopping 10lbs. 4 ozs.  C-sections are a wonderful thing in some cases...this was one of them. I can walk upright & somewhat normal today thanks to that moment.  Not to sound all cheesy, but what a blessing both Greyson and Michele are to me.  Being a mom to Greyson has offered me so much that words will never do the experience justice.  I just pray I am offering him as much as he has offered, and continues to offer, me on a daily basis.  The gifts being a mom have brought to me are imeasurable.  Most importantly, Greyson has been teaching me so much. Listening is way more important than just hearing.  And, as I said in the prior post, some of the most important things in life are to be experienced, not heard.  I continue to struggle with this but I do know it to be true. with him around, I will not fail.  I will not fail in finding the best in him and in myself. On top of that, I could not ask for a more supportive and helpful partner in our quest to assist this little guy on his life journey and ours. I think we make a hell of a team and complement each other well in our efforts to guide, love, and support Greyson.  I made Michele a card today.  To honor her as a mother, partner, and friend.  You see, anyone can be a mother, but it takes someone really special and nurturing to become a mom.  Biology doesn't make a mom...unconditional love, selflessness and dedication does.  She may not have given birth to Greyson, but she shows him daily how much she loves him.  thank you Boog for being the best mom our son could have.  I love you dearly..."to the whole wide world". You are gift enough on such a special day.